Brownies, sweet brownies

I have decided I don't like ads.
One that is really bothering me today - partly because I've seen it too often and partly because it is stupid - is the Burger King commercial that pretends to be an America You've Got Talent show. You could say I should just turn off the TV, but I should be able to watch what I want without being assaulted by bad ads.
Then there is the Pizza Hut pasta ad. Pretend news report. Dumb.
Another one that is bugging me today is the one for the new brownie pan. Have you seen it? Brownie magic or something like that. It is a pan that has dividers so you end up baking a pan of individual brownies.
Now ordinarily that would thrill me. I would want that pan, and the brownies in it. That would be the problem.
I am eating pretty healthy right now. Trying to fit in an airplane seat better. So no sugar. Few carbs.
Enter the brownie pan ad that shows people making pan after pan of brownies with all kinds of stuff on top. Hot fudge sundaes with brownies from the pan, iced, decorated. It really is tempting.
Why can't we have brownies that taste like brownies should, but have no carbs, no calories, no sugar?
Guess that is too much to ask. At any rate today it is irritating. Probably sugar deprivation.

Beating the odds

I beat the odds today.
I made a list of stuff I needed to do, with only one being negotiable. As of this moment I have crossed off all but the negotiable one.
I did laundry, dishes, finished arranging the living room, and wrote for two hours. Got in over 3,000 words. I also wrote down all I have eaten, drank a boatload of water (trying to sink the boat, ha, ha) and wrote my early morning three pages.
That morning stuff is hard. It is three pages, handwritten of whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it takes no time at all, others I just write the same word over and over again. When I die they will find the dumb thing and wonder where my brain was!
I have already made a list of stuff to do tomorrow, adding two new things, actually three if you count going for a walk and that does count, to what I usually do on a Sunday.
I am going to try to go the Defenders of the Wall prayer group before the morning service starts. I think it will be good.
I have a pretty decent week planned if I beat the odds and stick with the plan. I will be interviewing the woman responsible for the Women of Worship in Cheyenne. Linda Dillow will be the keynote speaker and Shannon Wexelburg will be leading worship. Love them both so I am looking forward to covering the conference.
Part of beating the odds for me right now is in goal-setting and goal-tending. I have a few set - get the house in order before I leave for Ohio, lose enough weight before the trip so I am not so uncomfortable in the seat and can fasten the seat belt (wow, brave throwing that up on a blog), write in the morning journal each morning, keep my food journal, walk 30 minutes every day, write two hours every day, read my Bible every day.
Tending those goals will be hard for me. I was good at it when I first moved to Wyoming, then got very free with my tainted version of freedom - you know, I can do what I want when I want and no one can stop me. That is so wrong! Freedom includes responsibility to not overeat, over indulge in television, move about the planet for exercise. They say freedom comes at a price, usually a high one. My warped version cost me the use of my body, my lungs, my knees, my attitude, my mental health.
So, on this path I must now put up road blocks, whereby I can beat the odds. I need to get healthy in all manner of ways and show that old free will who's the boss!
I just thought of a good verse that goes well with this 1 John 4:4 "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world." Certainly God is greater in me than satan is in my world. God wants me healthy and productive, satan wants me dead and that is certainly not productive.
What say? You willing to try beating the odds in your life? What struggles are you dealing with? Set your goals and start tending them. God is on your side and He is greater than anything that stands in our way!

Just thinkin'

Not much going on today. Allergies are making me miserable, but the fall-like temps are a wonderful comfort.
Heard from a semi-family member who credited my prayers with her spouse getting a job. Not sure it was my prayers, but God is certainly looking out for them. And I need to make a concerted effort to do better on contact and prayers for them.
She is hanging out there alone. I know how that feels, so I should be empathizing with her and doing what I can, even if it is on a small scale, to make things better for her.
Didn't spill anything in the kitchen today. Small miracle.
Was awakened at 12:03 a.m. by a buzzing sound. Sounded like an alarm. I live a block away from two banks so my immediate not-really-awake thought was that someone had tried to get into one of them and they have a weird-sounding alarm.
Figured since I was awake I might as well take advantage so I traversed the semi-darkness to the bathroom and discovered the buzz was coming from my desk. Hmmm.
Turns out when I moved some books I pushed the clock over and it turned on the alarm.
How like God to teach me something in the middle of the night!
How often do we hear an alarm, either literally or figuratively, and KNOW we should respond and don't? If you are doing something wrong, you get that heart-pounding alert that tells you 'just say no." Or you just did something and immediately your body gives you feedback in the form of guilt indicating you done wrong.
Most of the time, if not really all the time (if we would only stop lying to ourselves), we know before we act or speak that what we are doing or saying is right or wrong, hurtful or edifying.
And sometimes, for some of us a lot, we do it anyway. We figure we can always ask forgiveness later. But sometimes forgiveness does not come. What we have done very may well have been the last straw for the person we wronged. They may forgive, but they choose to remove us as a person who can hurt them anymore.
I don't want to be like that. It is time to listen to the alarm.

Cooking 101

So I went to see two movies yesterday. Had to go to Cheyenne and thought I would treat myself. The movies weren't expensive (in modern terms) as it was afternoon, and if you forgo popcorn (which is in keeping with my quest to fit an airport seatbelt on in just over a month) you can hit two movies affordably.
First off was "The Time Traveler's Wife." Man, was that good! Good story, good acting. Touching. It was nice seeing something with a science fiction background become an endearing love story. I highly recommend it!
Second, I went to see "Julie and Julia" and I laughed sooooo much! Wonderful story, very real. Julia Child was an amazing woman!
The premise is that a woman named Julie Powell sets off on a year-long project of cooking through Julia Child's first cookbook - something like 575 recipes in 365 days. She blogs the experience. This is a true story. The blog really existed. Now you have to know the parts about Child had to come from somewhere, and a quick trip to Barnes and Noble explained it to me. Those portions are taken from a biography written by Child's great-niece.
Well, it made me want to cook! From Child's book! My daughter, Meg, would love it as it is a book making French cooking easy for us Americans. Of course, then I would have to learn how to properly say the names of the dishes. I would need help with that, and Meg fits the bill loving all things French!!
Well, I got home, read some, went to bed, knowing I had to be sure to get up this morning to cover a story at the library (where I am hoping they have Child's biography, I am very intrigued about her now). I am moving a little slow. Just really tired. I get some mail ready to go out, get dressed and remember I have not eaten yet. Quick smoothie should do the trick.
I put in the ingredients up to the protein powder. Turning to the big container of the stuff (can they make that sucker any bigger!!) I realize I have put the wrong container there. I have a matching one that I am tossing all my change in. So I turn to get the right one from its wrong place and knock over the smoothie fixings. Not so bad until you see yogert, soy milk and bananas flowing off your counter, down the cupboards and making a puddle on your great-grandmother's throw rug.
I do not get mad (lovely new response) I just say "Nuts" and pick up the container, push all the stuff that is left into a hand and put it back in the cup. Wet a dishcloth, clean the counter and cupboard, snag the rug and toss it in the laundry room and go back and finish fixing the smoothie.
Now, I have had other kitchen disasters before. Overcooked, spilt, undercooked food. Stuff that tastes so bad you have to throw the whole meal away.
I am well-known for being clumsy, so this mornings near-disaster is not really a surprise. But it did make me wonder if I could get through any of Julia's recipes - without burning the house down. I would imagine the first rule of thumb is to keep the food in their containers! Though I do remember from the movie and stories I have read, that Julia tossed food where it didn't belong as well.
Maybe there is hope for me to be a cook after all.
Bon Appetit!

What to do?

So today I had a thought. (Before anyone gets funny, let's be clear - this is not my first thought, nor I assume my last. It was just one bearing additional thought)
Actually, I had two ideas. Both pertian to writing. Both somehow, hopefully, will add to my "wealth" of human resources for being a writer.
First, I remembered writing for NaNoWriMo last year. For anyone who does not know, this is a month-long writing session during which a writer attempts to put 50,000 words on paper in 30 days. It is a huge thing. Cool Web site (www.nanowrimo.com) and features opportunity for youth to get involved.
Last year I attempted it. If I remember correctly I got a bit over 15,000 words. This was with working full-time, short-staffed (read 70 hours a week). I did take a week-long vacation house sitting for friends at a wonderful lakefront house. I did write some. I mostly tried to remember I was human and how to breath and function.
At the time I was the editor of a paper and one of my reporters brought the NaNoWriMo to my attention. She suggested enlisting readers of the paper to a group of folks who would participate in the November event. She kept track of everyone and asked for updates on their progress for weekly stories.
It was fun. Most wrote under pen names, as most of us are really closet writers and afraid of someone telling us what we are writing is not worthy of the ink we used to create it.
Most made decent progress, one succeeded in completing the task.
Anyway, today I thought it might be fun to try this with the Pine Bluffs Post. There have to be some closet writers who are looking for a way to start out and get something written, even if they don't meet the overall goal.
I also had another thought. I am seriously considering starting a writers group here for eastern Laramie County. I need to ask around and organize. (Maybe this is another way of procrastinating? Hope not)
Anyway, I know I am writing what God wants me to. The boss told me he can read the difference and knows my passion when comparing my church page columns and the other stories I write for the paper.
That didn't offend me. I know it is true. I can string sentences together, make the story tell itself and not have any feeling in it at all. It is a good story. It does the job. But those who know me know I did not invest any of my self in it.
I am good with a well-crafted story void of my heart. As long as it is not on the church page. There I want to see not only my heart, but God's. I keep promising myself that I will write the weekly offering on Friday or over the weekend, trying to beat what has become a normal 'deadline' of Wednesday morning (publication day). Can't be done. God is in this and He moves in my heart when He moves in my heart. Not a word is written until He deems it is time. That is fine with me. Then I know it is not about me, it is about Him.
That is the way I want all my writing to be. Whether I ever finish a novel or not. Whether I ever have something published outside a newspaper or not. Whether or not I start a writing group, or even attend one. Whether or not I ever reach 50,000 words in the month of November.
It's not about me. It's about Him.

Enjoying the day

There is something to be said for just sitting and enjoying a quiet day alone.
I got to watch whatever I wanted, or not.
I could eat when I wanted, or not.
I could read if I wanted, or not.
I could play on the computer, or not.
So I spent the day in various pursuits. Read the Bible some, did some word search puzzles, finished reading a book. Watched HGTV.
Haven't decided if that is an evil channel or not. Love the suggestions for redoing one's space. I need some ideas for mine. But there are so many people spending so much money! I know they earned it and should be allowed to spend it however they want, but wow ... a second home in the Florida Keys that will cost $1.5 million! Holy cow!
I realized I lust after some of that stuff. I would love to have a home on the islands that for the most part is open air. They are beautiful properties. But I think at some point I would see that such extravagance is not really a good idea. At least I hope I would think that.
I have had a plan in mind for a long time now that involves me owning a lot of property on the mountains by a lake. I would love to have five cabins - one for me and one for each of my kids. We five could decorate our abode to our individual tastes. They would come to visit and have ready-made accommodations. But when they were not there, the place would be open for pastors and their families and missionaries and their families to come apart and rest. Get ready for the next journey God is sending them on. I would love to have a building for meetings and meals so retreats could be held there. A small chapel is a recent addition in my mind. Not to replace going to church, but sometimes we just need to find ourselves in a sanctuary at an alter prone before our Lord.
I don't think that is extravagant. I could write there and attend to the needs of others. Be a servant to the servants of God. Sounds pretty sweet to me.
So what is your dream? Does it honor God? Are you satisfied if it never comes to fruition? Can you leave it with the Maker of all dreams? Does it match His dream for your life?

Breaking the rules

How fun is that! Someone actually tells you you should break the rules! Sweet!
I attended a great writing seminar last night. Tine Anne Forkner, local author, shared insights about writing.
Her main thing is not to follow rules. Just write. Write now. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, punctuation, the properly constructed sentence. Just write now.
I was very impressed with the writing lessons she gave, the smart approach to writing - publication is a dream. So you need to put the dream in a box and set it aside ... and write now.
I went to a well-known bookstore after her talk. Looking at the cards I find one with a photo of a little girl gleefully jumping on the bed. The card says: If you done BREAK some rules, you'll miss all the FUN.
Yeah, I don't want to miss the fun. So I plan to break some rules and just write. That is hard for me to do. I am used to editing as I go, so I don't have to get bogged down with revisions later. Already in this blog I wager I have backspaced 10 times to fix words and stuff. Silly me.
At any rate, I have put even this little bit of time in on writing something. That makes me happy.
I am writing on my new computer. That makes me happy.
A nice gentle rain is falling and a cool breeze is working its way into my windows. That makes me happy.
I had a good dinner. I did not overeat and I have not had pop or sugar today. That makes me very happy.
I had a thought I had to put down on paper today while I was driving home from Grover. I thought the thought over and over and over so I wouldn't forget it before I found a place to do as Tina advises - pull over and write now! Handy dandy notebook in purse was what made me happy then. That I didn't lose the thought makes me happy now.
Happiness is a fleeting thing. I am sure something will make me not so happy (actually breaking one of my plates while doing dishes didn't make me overly pleased, but I did not react poorly and THAT makes me happy).
For now I am happy. I am going to go sit. Turn on the tube, grab a book, an apple, some peanut butter, a notebook and a pencil. Ready for anything, including breaking the rules. ;)

Got faith? Dimensional, concrete faith?

Faith is an interesting thing. It is evasive for a lot of us. Sporadic at best.
At least that is what it might look like if no thought is put into it.
Think about it — the guy that launches out into thin air attached to a bridge by a cord of rubber has to have faith. The gal sailing from an airplane dependent on a silk canopy to hold her and send her gently to land on terra firma has to have faith.
Everyone who banks electronically; who rely on a cell phone to connect us to distant relatives; who, like me, count on a computer to work to get a job done all have faith — in man-made machines.
We have faith that the car will start in the morning. That we will get to and from work safely.
We have faith that the roof will remain above our heads, the floor beneath our feet and walls solidly holding both at appropriate distances from each other.
And all those things are just things. Things that get used up, stressed out, in need of repair.
We have faith that the boss will let us work one more day. That the waitress at our favorite restaurant will serve us kindly. That the cook will do a good job preparing our meal.
We have faith that teachers will do their job and educate our children. That no one will hurt our children while they are out of our direct care.
We have faith that our marriage will last until we die. That even when we don't like our loved ones, we will still love them.
We have faith that our pastors will preach truth unashamedly. That they will minister to us, love and care for us.
That is a lot of faith. In people. Human, fallible, frail, broken, hurting, and seemingly, faithless.
Webster defines faith as this: complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
The Bible defines faith in Heb. 11:1 — “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Sure and certain. Sounds solid to me.
I watched a movie this weekend called “Faith Like Potatoes.” The gist is that potatoes are solid and real and our faith must be so as well.
I have thought about this for a couple days now. I was amazed at the lack of faith I have in the one thing, person, Who never fails. Never falters. Never walks away. Does not break. Cannot stop loving me. Or you.
In mulling this over these things came to mind.
A potato is real. It has weight, scent, flavor, color, texture.
Smell it — the wet earth it came from, the starchy white of its flesh.
Hold it — feel the weight, its firmness; examine its minuscule hills and valleys, the eyes from which new shoots will grow if it is planted; the smoothness of the skin once it is scrubbed clean or the sandpapery feel of skin freshly dried from its slumber in the ground.
Taste it — cool, watery, grainy, starchy, crisp.
Now I can tell you all this. I can go get a potato and I know all these things are true.
But what does my faith in God look like? Taste like? Smell like?
Understanding came over me as I watched that movie that my faith in God is sorely lacking. In fact, I felt deep in me the need to plant my face on the ground and cry out to the God who is all I need and more.
But I didn't. Something in me held me fast to the couch. I still don't understand it. No one was watching except the One Who matters most. The One Who would have been pleased. In my minds' eye, I could see my heavenly Father with tears in His eyes, but they were not tears of joy at my total abandonment to Him. They were tears of sadness caused by the moment we both missed.
Sometimes we think we are having a crisis in our faith, but there can be no crisis if there is no faith to begin with.
I know I have faith in God. I have placed my life in His hands. He has proven worthy of my faith too many times to count. In tangible things like rent money, school clothes for my children, a car to drive when mine broke down. And in the perceptible — in knowing and feeling the prayers of others on my behalf, in feeling protection from harm when there should have been none, in knowing I am not by myself on the day I feel most alone.
And, palpably feeling God's faithfulness to me, I turn to Lamentations 3:22 and 23.
“Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
New. Every morning. When the sun creeps in my window God's faithfulness is renewed. Each time I open my eyes. Each time I take a breath.
That I am still here proves His faith in me. That He loves me in spite of my failure to fall on my face before Him proves His faith in me. That He uses me regardless of how worthless and ineffective I may think I am proves His faith in me.
My faith in Him may not even be the size of a mustard seed. But it is there. And through His faith in me, it can grow — strong, fragrant, solid, and flavorful. It will be a faith of substance.

Tangible Faith

I just got done watching the movie "Faith Like Potatoes" and have to say I was surprisingly deeply impacted by the story.
I don't want to play spoiler here, so just the basics. Farmer in South Africa becomes a Christ-follower. He becomes a preacher. The impact is felt throughout the country.
Key to the movie is this - faith is like potatoes. It is something you should be able to feel, to smell, to use.
Made me realize I fall so drastically short in placing my faith in God.
Much to learn.
Much to entrust God with.

So today I went to the Trail Days Cowboy Church service and breakfast. My pastor was the speaker and gave a timely reminder of how much the United States has become like Israel - turning deliberately away from God. I will reiterate what Pastor Dan said - we do have a Deliverer, just as Israel did. That Deliverer gives us the choice, and the right to make the choice as to whether or not we are delivered.
Interesting thought to sit on.
While I was there, I noticed a guy no one was talking to. He kind of wandered around until cowboy church started. During the breakfast he sat at the end of a long set of tables by himself. Got to figure he is a newcomer or someone no one wants to be with.
Dan and I talked a bit, then got in the end of the line for breakfast. The seats available to sit at were by this guy who was alone. Dan introduced himself and kind of got the ball rolling with conversation, then turned to the others near us to talk with them.
I decided to be nice, try to be a little outgoing in a social situation. Not normal for me at all, but I know what it is like to be in a room full of people and be alone.
We chit chat a bit. He asks if I am the town photographer. I tell him what I do for a living and, being polite, ask about his work. Tells me he works at the base. We already know he has come from Cheyenne, so I make the obviously leap that he is a civilian contractor there.
After a bit more conversation, where I realize he is trying to determine the basis for my interest, he finally says he was deliberately evasive in telling me where he is actually from. Utah.Does work at a nuke base, but not Warren. Just at Cheyenne for a visit. Here in Pine Bluffs for mud volleyball, cowboy church and breakfast.
Now, that kind of offended me. I was not trying to find my soul mate. I was trying to be a nice person to someone I had not seen before.
After he knew I was a reporter, and my pastor reinforced the truth of that, THEN the man was free to talk uninhibited. Didn't realize I was that scary.
Just like we have a choice to accept deliverance, we also have a choice about how we live, how we treat others, how we respond to how they treat us. We can choose to be genuinely interested in someone else without it having to mean more than that.
I think the lesson for me to take from this is that it is important for me to follow God's leading in every situation. Step out of my comfort zone. Care enough about another of His creatures to be uncomfortable. Have to work on the being offended thing. Wrong attitude. Gotta fix that.